Today is the official start of my second trimester. This morning I told Neal, “We’re a third of the way there!” And he said, “When you put it like that, it’s awfully scary…”
To me, it’s all still surreal. I don’t feel pregnant yet. Apart from the embarrassing fact that I’m most often in bed now by 9 o’clock, in addition to some periodic nausea, I really haven’t had the horrific first trimester many women experience. Yes, there have been some food aversions (I don’t think I’ll ever look at coffee the same way again…), but I certainly haven’t spent a significant amount of time with my head in the toilet. Or any amount of time, for that matter. I’m not complaining about this (at all), but I have read that morning sickness is just a sign of a healthy pregnancy, so when I didn’t have it, I couldn’t help but thing, “ZOMG! This pregnancy is unhealthy!”
(Although a couple of ultrasounds have thankfully proven that’s not the case…)
And, yes, my belly’s a bit bigger, but I think it’s still more bloat than belly at this point, and it’s not yet anywhere near the stage requiring maternity clothes. For a while, I think I was probably the only one who could tell a difference; now, it’s definitely getting to that stage where I can sense people are looking at me and wondering if I let things go a little ever since I got married. I’m totally going to be one of those girls who wear shirts saying, “I’m not fat—I’m pregnant!”
Really, body image in the early stages of pregnancy is an entirely different beast and an entirely different blog post. As someone who has monitored their caloric intake and activity for decades, it’s a little unnerving to accept the fact that I’ll be gaining weight over the next few months. And the thing is, you’re not just supposed to gain weight—you’re supposed to gain weight and like it, dammit. God forbid you admit to feeling chubby or to feeling a little down because of the scale; the second such blasphemy escapes you’re lips, you’re immediately attacked with comments such as, “It’s not about you! It’s about the baby!” Or, “You should want to gain weight because it’s good for your baby.” Look, people, I want to do what’s right for the baby. Every day, with every breath I take, the baby is pretty much all I think about. I think about the baby with every bite of food that I eat (and with every bite of food I choose to not eat, because it’s somehow considered harmful.) I think of the baby when I’m working out, and when I really want to run fast, but I can feel my heart rate increasing, and know it’ll be best to walk for a few minutes instead of upping my pace. I think of the baby at nighttime when I really want to lie on my stomach, but I don’t because I’m afraid that I’ll crush it, even though at this stage, I don’t think I really have to worry about it. I’m thrilled that I’m pregnant. When nobody’s looking, I rub my belly like it’s some crazy genie in a bottle, willing the baby to stay healthy and to grow strong. But gaining weight is hard for a woman in this day and age. Society doesn’t like fat women, and although society digs pregnant women, we’re expected to shed the weight within weeks of birth. Gain weight! Embrace the curves! But don’t gain too much weight!
But I digress. ANYHOO…
Second trimester! As scary as it is to know I’m already a third of a way into this thing, it’s thrilling and exciting at the same time. Our ultrasounds have indicated that our baby is perfectly healthy, and I hope the next two trimesters are as uneventful as the first one was. Every day, this is beginning to sink in more and more. I’m starting to have baby dreams. I’m feeling little twinges in my lower back, abdomen and hips—all perfectly normal twinges reminding me that my body is changing to give my baby room to grow. We’re looking for a house and planning nursery themes. We’re going to be parents. (Hopefully good ones!)
I stopped blogging for the past few weeks because the only thing on my mind was this pregnancy, and it wasn’t really something we wanted to share at the time. Although I have a plethora of pregnancy-related blog posts, I’m going to try to not turn this exclusively into a mommy blog, but I’m not making any promises! Like I said, this is sort of all I’m thinking of now.
Well, this and the whole BUYING A HOUSE THING. (also another blog post for another time…) Get married, get knocked up and buy a house all at the same time? Why the hell not?!